Giving Thanks.

Thankful for the health and love of my family.

Wish Theron was home for it. Sad he will also be missing Christmas and New Years. But we are almost positive he has one hitch left and he's done forever working on boats. Thank goodness.

Tis' the season for

Even though I have never been into cooking, I am so ready to whip up some delicious meals out of those holiday food magazines.

Besides the drool worthy dinners and desserts, I'm not looking forward to Christmas day.
Theron is unfortunately due for work.
He will be up North for most of December, all the way through New Years.
So it will just be Landon and I in this big empty house. :(

Do you have any family recipes you cook every year? How about Holiday traditions? Do share! :)

Another Holiday Without Daddy..

Wish Theron could be here to spend such a kid fun Holiday with his son. Landon is so excited, I know it would mean so much to the both of them if Theron could be here with them.

And what even sucks more, is that Theron will be home in less than 24 hours. I wish he could of been sent home one day early. Not too much to ask for, right?

I miss him so much.....

Cute butts, pups and Birthdays

Landon is four years old now. And it's like he knows that with age, comes bigger boy responsibilities and actions. I'm not sure if it's just in my head, but to me, he seems to have changed his attitude. He's taking more showers now rather than baths, doesn't even need my help to get himself squeaky clean or dressed and ready for bed. He doesn't want me to read anymore, he wants to read to me. Little things, but they seem huge to me.

Theron was home for his baby's birthday also. Which we didn't think he would even make it. But he got news that afternoon that he was going home. So he made it to the evening party. Landon was so happy about it. He told him thank you for being home on my birthday, lol.

And we took a little trip to the Aquarium. I don't know if it was worth the money considering we were in and out in little over an hour. Landon sprinted through the whole thing too excited to take his time. He wanted to see some fish and sharks and didn't wanna wait to do it!(sharks were his fave) Silly little boy. Plus, it was a rainy day, so we had to skip the outside. But Landon's little adventurous self was so cute.

Landon wants to be a Pirate for Halloween. Can't wait to shop for his costume. And a pumpkin patch photoshoot is definitely in our near future. :)

Favorite of all seasons.

Poor Landon

Just a quick short post...

Theron hasn't even been out on the boat for two days yet, and Landon has already been begging me to take him to the airport to pick up his daddy. We both have a ways to go before that will happen. Breaks my heart to tell him there is no way he can have him right now. We just have to wait patiently. I wish I could fill the emptiness in Landon while Theron's gone. But there's no replacing that relationship. A child always needs his father and the mom can only do so much. I'll just be glad when he's done working on boats for good. 

Preview of our photoshoot we had done. I can't wait to get all the pictures. :)

XtinaPhotography.

Been over a month.

Landon, today.

It's been over a month, I still am at a loss for words with my writings. How long does Writer's block last? I'm unsure. But, I still want to keep my blog. There are ladies I've met(through the web, of course) whose lives I have grown attached to and I love keeping in touch with. So I decided to keep my blog. I won't be writing much, just mostly checking in and chatting with you all. :)

Today is Father's Day though, so I did wanna write a quick, short little something.. Theron isn't here to enjoy HIS day with us. We called him as soon as we knew he woke up for his shift and Landon told him Happy Father's Day and that he loves him and misses him. I can't wait for him to come home, and we will make up for this lost day. And also, because there is a chance this hitch could very well be his last. Because he is quitting! (I may post about this topic alone, but I can't get into much detail quite yet) Landon and I have been a couple of busy bee's! I don't even have time to write about everything that has happened in the last month.. I will try to get everything down on another day. One topic at a time. 

Hope everyone has been doing good. Going to catch up on some posts. :)

Theron's last day home..

Today is Theron's last day home. I unfortunately have to work *sad face*.. We had a wonderful Easter with both of our families.. We certainly ate to the point where we thought our tummies would explode. Landon Easter egg hunted with his cousins. They had the best time. I love this age he is in. He's starting to remember everything he does. Wherever we go and do, he'll have stashed away in a little part of his mind to think back on. :) Gonna go snuggle with babe and get every little bit of time I can with him today..

Here is a photo from Easter - mid egg hunt.

A big change is coming..

Dear Blogger,

These last few years(almost four to be precise) Theron's choice in job has taken it's toll on us, and we are both at our end point. Not that I would even consider it a choice, but more along the lines of what needed to be done at the time, and sort of got stuck. When I became pregnant, at a very young age(I was still in high school, that's how young) we didn't know what we were going to do. We had no income, we were in school, Theron dropped out so we can get busy on getting work to support us. Needless to say with some connections Theron was welcomed easily at a Tugboat company. At first, it was grand.. the money he brought in was great and even now it is a blessing, in ways. But the $240 a day is not worth it. And no amount of money can make up for the time away and the damage it is causing to our little family. So something has to change. I'm on a kick at the moment to convince Theron to not go back to work after his next trip home, which is almost in a couple weeks. And that even though we have our lease, we will figure something out. Just trying to reassure him everything will work out. It will be fine. I don't know how convincing I am because I'm not even sure if i'm fully convincing myself.. When he gets home, the first thing he is doing is going to the Coast Guard Recruiting Office for information. This will most likely be the next huge step to our future. I'm nervous... I know enough to know what it means if he enrolls.. Even longer time apart, starting with boot camp. I think he is going to chose to not deploy. Even so, I know anything is better than what he is doing right now. We most likely will fall behind on bills.. and that's okay to me. Theron's and Landon's happiness is more important to me. And our family is backing us up on this decision 100%. It's great to know we have others who can help us if we need it at this time, we have family. And thanks to his father who used to be in the coast Guard, he has Theron convinced this is his best choice, for all of us. This is our chance, and will be the big change we need.

Coast Guard.

I can't wait to have my hunnie home. I miss him so much..

Just like that... he's gone again.

Dear Blogger,

It literally seemed as though Theron was home for just a few days. Now he's already gone, to Virginia. I wish he could have stayed, just a little bit longer.. I didn't get nearly enough time with him that I would find suitable or content.. I was okay and stayed strong up until the drive home from the airport. I held it together while saying goodbye, and giving each other or tight hugs and tons of kisses... but Theron and I have this thing in the car, where no matter where we are going, how long or short the drive is, we always find ourselves holding hands. Every time we're in the car. Well it being 3am, and we both woke up after an hour of sleep, of course I would feel the need to reach over and hold his hand. I looked over, wishing he would reach over and grab hold my hand, but the seat was empty. He wasn't there, and that's when I cracked. Whatever wall I had up just came tumbling down within that second. Cried the entire way home..

I wish more than anything something would come up, and he wouldn't have to do this anymore. 

Lately, keepin' it simple.

Dear Blogger,

It has been awhile since my last post, and so much has happened these past couple weeks. I won't go into detail, i'll keep it simple for you. Number one thing keeping me busy? My niece is in town from Washington! Yay!

You may recognize this sweet little girls face from Our Beautiful Little Journey. We all celebrated her 6th birthday! I can't believe how much she has grown, she is such a little lady, :)

All the cousins together. It was the perfect day minus a booboo here and a booboo there. I am so not looking forward to this sweet little girl to leave on Wednesday!

Today is Theron and I's 5th Year Anniversary. Sadly, he isn't home to spend the day with me. I can't help but be awfully upset on days that are so meaning to be the best days of our lives. I will always remember this day, whom I spent it with, the gorgeous huge vase of red roses I got.. but when I think back and remember all that I did, his face won't pop up in any of the things I think of. I don't want to upset myself anymore than I am already, so i'm stopping there on this little touchy subject!

Today I went on a Starbucks/blogging date with my wonderful girlfriend Noelani, owner from Our Beautiful Little Journey blog spot. It was nice to sit back, look over pictures, and exchange a few blogs we think each other would like, and catch up a teensie bit. But not even close to how caught up I wish I was on here. I have so many posts to read. I think I will get started on that soon. Thank you Noe and Alex for the frappuccino and the cookie doe flautas from Tijuana Flats! ;) So, I gave in and created a Pinterest account, oh joy. Just another thing for me to get addicted to. Let the addiction begin! Leave me your Pin profile please! :)

the downfall to our relationship... happy valentine's day..

Dear Blogger,
Today I spent Valentine's Day, lonely as HECK in the sense that I wasn't with the love of my life. Sure, I was surrounded by some family, in general the day was good. But the sentimental value the day itself holds, never made it's appearance. I spent all day missing Theron. Just wishing he could be here and spend the day with me. If there were any way he could have flown in for a single day and go back out the next, I would be okay with that. It isn't easy reading updates through out the day about my girlfriends getting all the love in the world their heart desires and then some, while i'm stuck unable to create memories with the one I love because Theron is hundreds of miles away from me. What I wouldn't do to be able to have a normal relationship with him. To be able to see him e.v.e.r.y day. Never having to worry about going to sleep alone. It would be nice to not always cook TV dinners cause what's the point of making a huge dinner mess for one and a half people? Having things go unfixed for weeks until he can get home to make it right. That feeling of being overwhelmed and he isn't here to help me. Most of all he misses out on so much, we as a family miss out. It's unbelievably difficult.. And there is no worse feeling in the world when you need that someone you love, but you can't have them, there's nothing you can do to change it. Feeling hopeless is awful. And it's something I constantly have to deal with. I know he does what he has to do to take care of Landon and I, if there were any other way to do it, he would quit his job in a heart beat without thinking twice about it. I know as soon as I get off of here, I'll get myself ready for sleep, curl up in the bed under our blankets and cry to the point where I run myself dry of tears and fall asleep by exhaustion from bawling. It happens every night that he misses out on something he should be here for. Every single time. No matter how many years we have to do this, it never gets any easier. It's been three years and it's just as hard now as it was since day one. I wish he was here. I needed him today and I need him now. I'm on the verge of a break down and I can only imagine him coming up behind me, pulling me towards him and kissing me to reassure that things are alright. What some people often take for granted, I cherish beyond belief. Simple little kisses on the forehead, for no reason. A short holding of each others hands, even if it's just walking from the car to inside the grocery store. Arguing about who is taking up the most room on the bed. Some things I wish I could be able to do every day, go unnoticed by those who have it. And remember that corny saying, 'you never know what you have until it's gone'? I cannot stress enough on how unbelievably true that statement is. I told myself in the beginning of the day that because I do have such an amazing man in my life, I will spend the day happy. But I could only fool myself for so long. No doubt, I have been grateful on this day that I have him, regardless if he was here or not he is my Valentine. But the day should not have been spent the way it was. I am not looking forward to the 27th of this month either... :(

it's been far too long..

It has been just over a week since my last post. Things have been... busy. Between Theron being home for such a short amount of time, and training at work, I literally have felt like a walking zombie amongst humans. There is so much to write about, but I don't even know where to start..

Theron left a few days ago, which means I will be spending Valentine's Day without him. *insert sad face here* And since he's assigned to be out until the 1st, he will also be missing our 5th year anniversary. *insert even bigger sad face here* This will be his fourth year in a row missing our anniversary.. One of the most amazing days of the year for a couple, and we don't get to spend it together, again... When most couples will be exchanging cute little gifts followed by tons of hugs and kisses, I'll be wishing my hunnie was home, able to do the same. Have I mentioned how much I dislike his job? :/

Besides not looking forward to these special dates, everything else has been relatively good. Work is great, I am already comfortable and feel like it's where I need to be. I don't think I could of found a job more perfect for me.

It's pretty late though, I thought Id try to spare a few minutes to write a quick blog. It truly has been too long since I've been on here. I'm slackin!

Hope you all have been doing well, I will try to put some time into catching up on your blogs tomorrow. :)

absolutely cannot wait!

Dear Blogger, 

Through out each day, I often find myself turning on my phone, just to take a couple seconds to look at my wallpaper. 

Call me a dork, a mushball or whatever name you'd like, but I can't get enough of that smile. 

Within not even two days time, I'll be seeing that handsome smile in person. 

That's right! Theron is due home on the 1st. 

And I am sooo dang excited!! Until then though, I get to drain the battery life out of my phone by turning it on and off, alllll the time, just to see his face. 

Won't be long now! :)

down by the bay

and here's a little bit of news... Theron comes home on the 1st! But only for a short 10 days.. Hoping this other company pulls through and he's hired, so we won't have to worry about his schedule always changing and being incredibly inconvenient. Not only that, but instead of him away from home for 2/3 of the year, it'll change to only half the year. :) Crossing my fingers!

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

I am giving in

Dear Blogger,

It wasn't too long ago that Theron and I broke Landon from the habit of sleeping in our bed. When he was an infant to about being in his late twos he slept in his crib/bed, besides when we stayed at my moms because the crib stayed at Theron's parents house. We always packed our bags and moved in with him for the duration of his days off. It wasn't until 6 months ago that we took the step to live on our own, and moved into a home, for us. This is where the trouble began on the whole issue. I maybe, kinda, sorta, screwed up.. and whenever Theron left I had Landon sleep with me, in his and I's bed. I know I know... whyyy on Earth did I do this? Truth be told, I am one of 'those' moms.. The one who constantly worries, no matter who he's with, always wanting to call every single hour to know what he's doing.. Theron and I had to give up vacation time because I couldn't stand being away from Landon for more than one night. He calls me crazy... But whatever. So, when we got our own place, everything was fine.. he went to sleep in his room, Theron and I went to in ours... I think what made me do it was Theron leaving, and having to not only go to sleep in an empty bed, but an empty room. Landon never had his own room until now. His crib/bed was always right next to my side of the bed. And now i'm alone in my own room. I didn't last a night. I went and scooped him up from his bed, while he was sleeping, and put him in bed with me. And from then on out he slept with me every night Theron was gone. So you could imagine when Theron got home and he wanted his bed back, little Landon wasn't all too happy. Let's get real, there is no room for all of us on that thing. Let alone us two the way Theron sleeps, my goodness. But he would have a fit for the first week, then would realize he might as well just do it cause he really isn't going to sleep in our bed... But as soon as he was back on track, and Theron left again, he was right back in bed with me. I missed sleeping with him, and I just didn't wanna sleep alone.. I think Landon feels that way too, because he wakes up every single morning(seriously, he doesn't miss a day out of the month) at around 3 am to come jump in bed with me. Of course I let him at least do that.. But Theron made it clear to me that I can no longer let him sleep in our bed. So for the last couple months, when it's time for sleep, Landon and I fall asleep in our own rooms. I miss him at night. Let's face the fact though.. it tears me up sleeping alone. 

So this is what I am going to do, every Saturday night i'm going to give in. I'm going to have Landon sleep in our bed. Every Saturday night. Starting tonight, hehe. And I am so ready to go snuggle up with my little mans. So goodnight Blogger! :)

Pictures

Dear Blogger,

Here is a site that always takes a stab at my heart...

Theron is gone. He's in Virginia right now.

My eyes hurt. I'm tired and been crying on and off. I'm usually not this emotional through out the day after he leaves.. but every time I think about him still being here, realizing he isn't and can't be, my heart hurts, I tear up and have to catch myself.. :/

Atleast I have this amazing little boy to keep me happy and busy until Theron gets home.

Goodnight!