He's leaving us..

Dear Blogger,

Claire called.. I hate hearing Theron answer his phone, and listening to the name Claire come out of his mouth. My stomach sinks every time. Because I know right then and there, for the duration of that phone call, is when they're discussing the day he is leaving. And it usually falls on the day after that phone call. Which means, Theron leaves tomorrow. You can bet your butts I am so not happy. Landon doesn't know yet. I hate laying that on him...

Lately Landon has been clingy to Theron. All the time he spends away from us, we want to be with him every waking second, to make up that time we missed and will miss. Landon always wants him with us, when he or we go somewhere, he'll start crying and just keeps repeating how much he wants his dad... It hurts me to pieces, because from here on out, he will always realize what it fully means to hear 'daddy is leaving for the boat, again', and it will break his heart.. and he will cry, and he will repeat how much he wants his daddy while we drive away from the departing drop off area of the airport, and he's walking to his plane.. to fly countless miles away from us.

Tomorrow is going to be awful.
These next few weeks will be a struggle. We have no money... We have what seems like a ton of bills coming up, including rent to be one, and Theron's next check will only be for 4 1/2 days pay. We don't know what we're going to do... Work for me has been incredibly slow, I wouldn't even consider myself being currently employed cause I haven't been in in almost a months time. I made a new resume, i'm on the hunt starting tomorrow for a new workplace. The spa industry is relentless! I keep telling Theron and myself things will work out. Things will be okay. We will get through it, we always do. And of course we have family, but we never like asking for help..

I mentioned in a previous post that Theron's designated boat is out for season and won't be back on the water until March, so he's been home waiting patiently for a new boat to hitch on. Unfortunately it isn't a 40 or 34 day hitch... it's only 20. Which means he will miss our 5th year anniversary.. This will be the fourth year in a row he hasn't been home to spend 'our' day with one another.. He was going to be home for it, I was looking forward to it, finally... Last year we didn't even get a chance to celebrate it until 3 or 4 months after the actual date. I wish everyone in that darn company can get their ish together..
Maybe next year?

Sorry for my ramblings. I needed to get it off my chest.

On another note, today Landon began learning to write today, we will continue for an hour each day to write and learn in his preschool workbooks. I'm gonna get off.. help my hunnie pack and spend what time I have left with him, it's our last night together.

Goodnight!